2 Stages Of Confidence Building
Is shyness or insecurity keeping you from meeting your soulmate? Here’s a simple way to stop doing that to yourself and start having more fun.
2 Stages Of Confidence
Men agree that one of the most attractive qualities in a woman is when she’s self-assured, likes herself, is comfortable with who she is, likes how she looks and most importantly, she’s happy. And one of the sexiest things about a woman is one who loves her body… not how skinny she is. It’s impossible to be all those things when you’re shy or insecure. And being happy and being shy are polar opposites.
Being shy is a state of mind and can be changed with practice. The more you describe yourself as shy, the more you believe that it’s true. Shyness stops you from having fun. I know because I used to be painfully shy and insecure. It was so bad that I assumed people would rather not have me around.
Then, one day, like a bolt of lightening, I realized that I was being very self-centered. As this idea took hold I discovered that I was focusing on what others thought of ME, worrying about how other people saw ME, how they felt about ME, and how they might be judging ME.
I was a student of human nature. I realized in that moment the truth about most people. We’re all shy (albeit at different degrees in different situations) and simply waiting for someone to make the first move. Don’t you admire people who can go up to anyone, introduce themselves, and begin a conversation? Well, you can become that kind of person, the kind of person people enjoy having around.
Here’s how to get rid of that totally useless shyness that is holding you back from having what you want and being happy.
First, here’s what will make all the difference. To truly shift from worrying about how you’re coming across (which causes shyness, fear of embarrassment and lack of confidence) you need to literally open your heart. The simplest way to do that is to realize that beneath the surface of what you see, their appearance, their clothes, their car, where they live, what they do for a living, is a person who simply wants to be loved, accepted and appreciated. Everyone. So keep that in mind, consciously open your heart and imagine loving energy emanating from your heart to theirs, and this whole process that I’m about to explain will be easier than you could ever imagine. You can become a warm, loving, confident person in “a heart beat.”
Stage One – Don’t forget, they’re a little bit shy too and waiting for someone to make the first move.
Smiling:
1) Practice smiling in front of the mirror. Often, when we’re shy we think we’re smiling but our mouths don’t show it. Try what I did. Imagine you’ve got a slight smile on your face, then look in a mirror. How big is the smile you thought was on your face? My experience is that it’s never as big as I think it is and usually no one would be able to tell I was smiling.
Another thing I noticed was that it wasn’t until I started purposefully smiling that I realized I didn’t usually smile at people other than a polite smile. But a polite smile doesn’t have any energy that emanates. You want people to feel good because of the warm smile you’ve offered. Your conscious effort to open your heart will cause this to work beautifully.
To develop the kind of smile that causes people to relax you must not only smile with your mouth, you must also smile with your eyes… and as long as you’re at it, smile with every inch of you. Imagine even your toes smiling. Notice that this actually feels pretty darned good.
2) Now that you’ve become an expert at the warm smile, begin smiling at strangers who don’t intimidate you. Smile at people in the super market, on your walk, as you’re rushing to work… smile at eveyone young and old.
3) When that becomes completely comfortable, start smiling at people who do intimidate you. This will vary with each individual but you might be intimidated by anyone in expensive clothes, anyone who is attractive to you, anyone who is beautiful or handsome or anyone who looks important. or authoritative.
Hello-ing:
4) The next step is to say hello to people. Start with those who don’t intimidate you, just like when you practiced smiling. And remember to keep your heart energy emanating out to theirs.
5) When that feels comfortable, start saying hello to people who do intimidate you, working up to the scariest.
Complimenting:
6) Next, start complimenting people who don’t intimidate you. Find something about them like a color they’re wearing, a dress, a tie, whatever. It doesn’t matter as long as your intention is to sincerely make them feel good.
7) Compliment scarier and scarier people as you become comfortable with each new level.
Flirting:
Now, start flirting with people who don’t intimidate you. I don’t mean sexual flirting. I mean get them to laugh, play with them, compliment them and tease them in nice ways. A great way to learn to flirt in this way is to start with kids. The same kinds of silly, friendly things you can say to a child (or even a cute dog) is what Friendly Flirting is all about.
9) Then start flirting with more and more intimidating people. Learn how fun it can be to bring smiles and laughter into people’s lives. You don’t have to be a comedian to get people to laugh. Watch others, rent movies that have people who act like what I’m talking about and practice till it’s comfortable. And always practice each new level on people who are completely unintimidating to you.
Just to remind you that this can work if you really want it to, I used to be afraid of approaching anyone I didn’t know. Now I look forward to meeting new people because I know that I make them feel better for having met me. That’s because my heart is reaching out to theirs all the time.
Stage Two – Another reminder that everyone is waiting for someone to make the first move.
Conversing:
1) Start conversations with strangers who don’t intimidate you: People in line with you at the supermarket, people in parks, waitresses, secretaries. Whenever you want to practice, go out and find someone to talk to. Watch what other people talk about. Notice things around you. Make comments, ask questions and keep your heart open to the part of them that simply wants to be loved, accepted and appreciated.
2) As you become more comfortable, start conversations with more intimidating people.
3) Now that you’re pretty comfortable with other people, start walking up to people (when it’s appropriate) and introduce yourself and begin a conversation. It’s all about intention (wanting it) and lots of practice. But as you get more and more comfortable doing these things you’ll start having fun.
If you practice all these steps, I guarantee you’ll get over most, if not all, of your shyness. Sure, everyone gets insecure and intimidated occasionally, but they simply acknowledge the feeling and go ahead and do it anyway. You can do this if you really want to. It’s up to you to put in the time and work. But trust me, because this is how I got over being shy, it works.
From my heart to yours,
Kara Oh, The Heart Whisperer™
www.WomanToWomanHeartToHeart.com
